5 Step Program for St. John Addicts

First things first, if you are afflicted by an addiction to St. John, it’s not your fault. There’s something in the Bushwackers and we all know it.

The onset can be sudden and occur without warning, causing excessive daydreaming and lack of productivity.

You might be a St. John Addict if you suffer from the following symptoms:

1. You have a countdown calendar tracking how many “sleeps” until you get back on island.

2. Your computer screen, cell phone wallpaper and Facebook cover are photos of St. John.

3. Your home and/or vehicle is decorated with shells, bumper stickers and St. John collectibles.

4. Cruz Bay Seasoning is a staple in your diet.

5. You have a full set of To-Go cups that say EAT. DRINK. RELAX.

6. You’ve mastered the art of making Painkillers, fresh nutmeg and all.

7. You occasionally drive on the left.

8. You would rather spend the holidays snorkeling Maho than with family.

9. You have reconsidered bacon after meeting Ziggy the Piggy.

10. You’ve inadvertently walked out of an establishment with a drink in your hand.

11. You spend more time obsessing about events, news and weather in St. John than where you live.

12. You dread the walk of shame (tearfully dragging your suitcase down the ferry dock on your last day).

If stricken, you must take steps toward recovery or risk your losing your job due to a severe inability to concentrate; or in extreme cases, you could be inspired to quit your job and relocate.

Step 1: The first step in recovery is admitting your addiction.

Step 2: Find a support group. You are not alone. More than 1,300 addicts have joined St. John Peeps, a Facebook group for “St. John lovin’ peeps who dream about their next trip to the island, planning their next trip to the island or living their dream on the island.” Another 1,600 share their obsession in a group called Live from St. John.

Step 3: Get your daily island fix. Some of our favorite sources are News of St. John, On-St. John, St. John Spice webcam, and the view high atop Bordeaux Mountain from our own Esprit Villa.

Step 4: Temporary measures that have been known to relieve symptoms include wearing your Skinny Legs t-shirt and Beach Bar hat while sipping on Cruzan rum from a Joe’s Rum Hut shot glass.

Step 5: For immediate relief, call the hotline at 800-424-6641 and let one of our Catered To professionals book your next vacation.

If you have been to St. John, you will be back. If you haven’t been but are planning a trip, consider yourself forewarned.